Integrative Health Services

Integrative Health Services

Come as You Are and Leave a Better You

I’ve decided to start dating again. Now what?

So you’re interested in finding that someone special are you? Welcome to the dating scene because if you haven’t dated in a while then you may find things are not like they use to be. For starters, dating sites are now billion dollar industries when several years ago online dating was taboo. The concept of meeting someone virtually before meeting them in person has taken over. Some people complain it’s not personable and that most people are strictly deciding to date someone based on their looks and not their dating profile as a whole. Whether you decide to go old fashion or try online dating, there are a few things to consider. First, think of dating someone before making a commitment to them as an assessment period. Does the person you are seeing tip the waiter or waitress well? Are they respectful and patient with most people they come into contact with? Does he or she blow up easily when unexpected things happen such as a delayed flight? Is this person prone to anger outbursts when someone cuts them off in traffic? Questions like these are ones you need to try and answer before making a commitment to someone and before becoming physically intimate with them.

Sexual intimacy is important in a relationship but can often skew one’s judgment. How many times have you or someone you’ve known become involved sexually with a person too quickly in the dating process and then weeks, months, or years later say why did I not see those red flags earlier? If the answer to this question is more times than not, then consider getting to know someone one on a deeper level before taking it to the bedroom.

Next, if you do try the assessment technique and start to seeing “red flags” then don’t write the person off completely. Remember, no one is perfect and you also could bring up red flags with the person who is also assessing you for compatibility. Try and make a list of things you can deal with and things that are a non-negotiable or what some people refer to as a deal breaker. If a person brings up something that is a non-negotiable then end the dating process and keep looking for your Mr. or Ms. Right. This method is not perfect by any means and you may not end up with a long-term relationship right away but it will help weed people out so you don’t feel as though you are wasting time you could be spending with someone who is a better fit for you.

Lastly, if you find yourself newly divorced or single then taken caution in not getting involved with someone too quickly. It’s always a good idea to take time to grieve a relationship that did not work out and assess why it did not work in order to have more wisdom when entering the next one. Also be cautious about not becoming physically involved with individuals simply to help numb the pain of recently losing a significant relationship. It’s not always a conscious act but can easily become a behavior that is hard to break when someone starts to use sex as a way to cope with emotions.

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